Following a victory over the Railway Taveners on Friday night, old foes Guiness turned up at the KES sportsfield on Tuesday with a suspiciously youthful looking team. Howard took up the mantle of leadership, attended the toss in the middle, lost it and realizing that a tough evening was in the offing, promptly nominated Freshmeat for captaincy while the latter was dropping the kids off at the pool. A shrewd move as it turns out.

The Sloth team was a blend of youth and experience with Yerbury, Bond and Harper providing the experience, and James ‘The Colonel’ Mustard McWilliam (see below), Cam, Connor and Liam providing the youth. Howard, Lewis, Hewes and Edwards provided the embittered and squeezed middle, long past their youth, but with no prospect of a peaceful retirement.

Leading wicket taker The Colonel was asked to open the bowling down the slope, with Liam coming up from the canal end. The Guinness openers set out their stall early and started with intent, despite some pretty good bowling. The first batsman was bowled by Liam (actually, I can’t remember who got him), and the talented Guinness number 3 stepped up. The Colonel gave him a long hop first ball which was spanked straight to square leg, where Cam Bond dropped an ankle-high dipper, somewhat hindered by his slow-recovering ACL. A few boundaries later the Colonel then pulled off a super slower ball and flummoxed the Guinness bosher into a massive top edge swipe, the resulting steepler snaffled one-handed at backward square.

What followed was some good aggressive batting, and despite some good bowling throughout, the score mounted quickly. The only notable highlights for the fielding team were a dropped catch (The Colonel), another dropped catch (The Colonel) and a rank misfield (The Colonel). Bowling credits to Liam, Yerbs, Hewes and Edwards. Connor found his line and length to look dangerous, but sadly only for his last two balls. Harper took some tap but responded well with a change to round the wicket being rewarded, bowling the batsman. By the end, Guinness had scored 145 with some fine power hitting around the park.

Sloths were encouraged to adopt an all-out attack to try to chase a good total. The first over was pretty wild with various wides and no balls, so Hewes waited until the first ball of the second over before whacking the first 6. Lots of good running and a straight drive took 12 from the over. By the time Freshmeat retired in over number 4, the Guinness opening bowler had been spanked for 30 from 2 overs, and the fielders were making our fielding look good. However, the bowling became rather better as the innings progressed. Hewes and Edwards batted well, the latter with poise and confidence until he pulled his groin. Once they had perished sloth after sloth fell on their sword swinging. Each time a few boundaries were stitched together, another wicket would fall. Harper hit some nice shots in a good partnership with Bonder Snr; the Colonel wasted no time in swinging hard; and Connor’s running was exemplary, sneaking runs all over the shop. The required run rate crept up though, and while the Sloth resources were dwindling, the bowling kept improving and 29 was required from the final over. Yerbury opined that the best thing he could do was to get out immediately and allow the retired captain to go back in. Presaging the wicket of Conner, Yerbs duly walked out and executed that plan with military efficiency, and one golden duck later, the captain went out and down with his sinking ship, castled last ball of the innings.

117 was scored by the Sloths in a brave but ultimately fated run-chase against what has to be said was a very strong batting and bowling performance from the visitors. It was a fine effort against a good team. Post-match entertainment involved the nursing of groins; a very interesting discussion about trays, their uses, pros and cons and where they can be procured; the benefits of lentil and rice at lunchtime; a rather questionable mustard-coloured sweater; and the dishing out of abuse to The Colonel – the traditional Sloth approach to making new players feel welcome.