The biggest cricket match of the weekend took place on Friday night in Bathampton as the locals welcomed back the roving Railway Taverners. An independent observer would actually have seen the North London tourists welcome the Sloths to their own Bathampton grounds as the locals applied their usual low standards of timeliness. In a bid for a first victory over BCC, the Taveners had strategically eschewed their usual hungover state for this fixture. Not only that, but they had also displayed a concerning level of application by turning up for a pre-match nets session.
By 6.15 the Sloths had assembled a quorum containing a good number of Headons. Headon Snr was carrying a groin strain, perhaps unsurprising noting the enormous brood of smaller Headons in tow. The coin toss was won by acting captain Fresh, and the tourists were put in to bat. Dan ‘the Kestrel’ O’Herlihy was given the new cherry and bowled with aplum (sic) down the hill. Mm. Taking inspiration from Pakistan’s massively unsuccessful strategy against India in the Champions Trophy, spin was used early with Hewston opening from the canal end. It looked like a coup when Tav opener Andy P nicked a ripper third ball, but Bonder had other ideas, palming it round the corner like Joe Hart (in his dreams). Regulation sloth cricket one might think. But Headon Snr nursing his crocked crotch at slip had other ideas and dropped to his right and plucked the ball one handed for a quite outstanding catch.
The Kestrel bowled another beauty of an over, getting past the edge of the bat regularly, and by the time Hewston had finished, only 13 runs had been scored. Continuing the pace down, spin up strategy, Howard and Headon Jnr Jnr (Liam) took over. A trap was laid for the leg-flick that was apparent from both batsmen and Tavener Simon flicked Howard’s first ball straight into the hovering Kestrel’s predatory beak. Not content with this outbreak of actual cricket, Howard blitzed the stumps with the next ball, with Aymon retiring for a golden duck. Dot. Dot. A double wicket maiden beckoned…but a rank leg side long-hop was gratefully sent to the boundary by skipper Greg to settle the visitors nerves. But alas for him Howard had got himself stuck in some sort of parallel universe and in a reversal of his normal approach, showed the rank long-hop to be the exception, and bowled out the captain next ball with a cracker. At the other end, Headon Jnr Jnr bowled with serious guile and intent and restricted run scoring. Headon Jnr Snr took over from Howard, whilst Headon Jnr Jnr was replaced by Headon Snr. Got it? Good stuff from both, although it was noted that off the short run-up, Headon Snr’s groin issue was preventing his usual penetration.
New Sloth Tom Edwards turned up at about 7.15, demonstrating sloth timekeeping from the off and took over from stand-in Chairman Franks. The livewire AJ meanwhile turned up for the visitors at the crease and played a great innings along with the recalcitrant opener Dom, still holding out. Lodge and Edwards kept it tight and 73 had been scored from 16. The last four saw a run-out, a golden duck for old friendly foe Tony the Duck (and the reinstatement of the duck hat in the field), a fine maiden from Hewes and a final total of 94 for the Taveners.
This proved tough to defend as Sloth openers took the initiative and having scored 52 of the runs from 36 balls, they made way for Edwards and Headon Jnr Snr who ticked along well until Headon was castled by Tony. Bathampton’s overseas player Lodge then stepped up and produced an astonishing display of timing and shot selection – both utterly appalling. This resulted in more dots than a Morse code translation of the entire works of Dylan Thomas. Unfortunately, this seemed to be contagious as Edwards joined in the dot-to-dot craze. The middle 5 overs saw 9 runs scored – credit to Greg and Simon for some tight bowling. Edwards then remembered how to play again, and slashed a couple of boundaries to concluded the proceedings.
Post-match entertainment involved a few sharpeners, Bonder extracting payment through a policy of fear and threat, a full pitch search for a missing wedding ring (sadly not apparent but if anyone spots one, let us know) and dishing out abuse to Lodgey. Thanks to Chairman Franks for fielding in lieu of Tom for an hour or so, and to Tom for washing up in the bar. We look forward to welcoming the Taveners back next year. Sobriety, as philosopher Montaigne once said, is overrated when playing T20 cricket on a Friday evening. We would strongly recommend a more socially liberal policy involving much more pre-match booze and a return to their more customary hungover state.
Michel Yyqem de Montaigne, Philosopher, Essay-writer and T20 Enthusiast