Tuesday 20 June 2023

The forecast looked clear. The forecast looked cleeeear, they said. Well, except for that yellow warning of thunderstorms but apart from that it was well and truly clear.

But what, you ask, forced the Sloths and Bathampton Dads to halt their ferocious brawl? Was it the darker-than-dark clouds working their way towards them? Was it when The Gas Man got struck near the goolies by George bowling off his short run up with a glowing white ball? Or was it the low rumble of thunder as Matt Warren came into bowl? (We assumed it was a weather phenomenon). Maybe it was this conversation;

Mid-on: “Woah I just saw some lightning”

Everyone: “Woah yeah ahh wow”

Deep point: “Lucky we’re not playing golf!”

Everyone: “haha yeah um yeah haha…”

Jimmy, batting: “… um, there’s metal in my helmet…”

Everyone: “…”

Nope this didn’t stop them. The tussle continued as the deep bassinous tones of thunder boomed and slim streaks of lightning streaked. Well what must it have been to stop the bitter Bathampton derby? Oh just your classic slashing rain plummeting without much warning really. That’ll do it.

Sloths shuffled, Dads dashed and before you knew it there was a queue at the cool box and Bonder was catching cash much better than when he dropped an edge off Porridge’s bowling. Not that he’s bitter. 

Over lukewarm ciders it was mentioned that there was a website that calculated Duckworth Lewis scoring by just entering the scores and overs. This was quickly quashed by both captains Ant and Tom simultaneously stating “IT’S A DRAW”. This conclusion seemed to be reached telepathically but all Sloths and Dads chinned their tins in agreement.

Some cricket did happen by the way. Albeit reluctantly at first as the first arrivals of Sloths and Dads huddled around a radio intently listening to Australia creep their way towards their target at Edgbaston. A new Sloth arrived; “Have they got Khawaja?”, a new Dad appeared; “Is Carey still in?”, “How’s Mo’s finger?”, “Does anybody want to open?”… “… Ay? Oh yeah somebody should probably go bat”.

Porridge and Ed agreed to open and then halfway to the crease both realised that that meant they couldn’t listen to the cricket anymore, blast. Skipper Ant brought colourful pens so tactically put himself down the order so he could do his pretty scoring. Anyway cricket! Porridge got bored of missing the balls playing orthodox shots so went full Joe Root and reverse scooped it to third man. The fielder set off and instantly felt his hamstring go, Porridge saw this and called two but then a gun fielder of a dad swooped in and hurled the ball for a direct run out. A reverse scoop run out, Bazball meet Bathampton. Ed couldn’t quite channel his Exmouth free-scoring self and soon Will and George were in. To negate the pudding of a pitch Will regularly danced down the wicket to smash straight (think a twinkled-toed Steve Smith) and George swept with glee (think prime Joe Root). This spread the Dad’s in the field and runs were to be found! Both retiring on mighty scores of 34 and 35 (to whom, I will let you decide). Bondie hit the shot of the day over midwicket, Ant managed to guide a delivery going down leg onto his own stumps with the back of his bat and HRP continued his quest to NOT score the most sixes this season. 130 scored and the Dad’s had work to do.

Nominated Dad-because-he-is-a-dad Jimmy and Brent strode out ahead of the clouds to begin the chase. Sloth fielding began hesitantly with two drop catches in the first over (not that this narrator is bitter in any way, remember) but then catches by Porridge and Bonder and a classic swinging Warren delivery put Sloths in control. The dangerous Tom E was run out by a wicket keeping masterclass from Bonder and a smart catch from Dan under a dark sky brought out a brooding Gas Man with a glint of lightning in his eye. Oh wait, that was actually lightning and oh wait, it’s tipping it down. Sloths and Dads then sprinted to the cool box amid handshakes and the random hauling of possessions to the pavilion. Commence the cheersing of tinnies as the rain fell and talk of a Part 3.