Having only witnessed the dying overs of what was evidently a hotly contested fixture at KES Fields on Tuesday evening, I can only imagine what had led to this tense showdown. Suffice to say that the Sloth infographic will now need to be reconfigured to allow space for the plummeting trajectory of the win/loss line.

Jonty managed to consolidate his batting average with a further duck. In fairness, Jimmy Mac, still basking in the glory of a 3-wicket maiden (yes, indeed) was not unduly exercised by the notion of backing up his main rival at the top of the bowling charts. Rick Yerbury put in an early bid for this year’s Mr Angry award, also run-out, having declared ‘I’m not bloody running everything’ before taking to the crease and remaining true to his word.

Stumpchat bullied and cajoled a succession of batting partners, taking runs where none was offered and mostly getting away with it too. Luckily, this was a moonlit fixture and Royal Oak’s strategy of providing day-glo stumps and illuminating bails helped nobody. Day-glo relies, of course, on day-light and the bails remain dark until struck, so this plan was flawed from the start. Having said that, leaving their medium-quick bowlers to the last overs was possibly not entirely within the spirit of the fixture.

Apparently, earlier in the game, one of the Royal Oak fielders had tried to catch the ball using his eyebrow and was subsequently whisked away to the RUH for emergency sitting-in-a-waiting-room. This left them two players down (another had to drive the patient), which meant overs needed to be made up. Oak’s main attack bowlers generously offered to fill the void, ensuring the 36 needed from the final 4 overs was never likely to be reached.

But there’s plenty to cheer. Chiefly, James McThingumybob’s three wickets in four balls in his first over. That’s the second 3-wicket maiden for Sloths in just three games (the other from Jonty ‘Schwartzenegger’ Frith) and moves have already been made behind the scenes to ensure James is unemployable anywhere outside the Bathampton area. Also, Johnny Fresh’s return to form with a

retirement on 25+, so too Laurie ‘not throwing’ Maylor, gives cause for cautious optimism. I’ve no idea what either innings was like but one can only imagine they were both magnificent.

Whilst three losses in three games is possibly not the ideal start to a season, all have been entertaining and eventful encounters. There have been some outstanding individual performances* and, who knows, maybe at some point Sloths will manage to deliver as a team. Just imagine…

*Speaking of performances, if you are wondering about the significance of this week’s title, take a look at this: www.thinkofasong.com (yes it’s a shameless plug but nobody pays me for this shit). See you there.

Marina Abramovic, Performance Analyst, Slothful Times