Sunday 14th May 2023

WARNING THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THERE IS SUNSHINE OUT THERE. THE DRY TYPE. COMMENCE CRICKET.

The sun pushed through the clouds to reveal Sloths and Bathampton Dads cautiously gathering around KES playing field with eyes wide and disbelieving. There before us was a glorious sight. A cut faux-golden strip in the centre of a luscious green landscape. A strip situated in the actual-equidistant-from-the-edges-middle middle no less, and not a rain cloud in sight.

Tentative warm ups began. Hands and hamstrings having flashbacks to better times and remembering familiar old routines. Balls were thrown and dropped. Bats were greeted like Christmas decorations out the loft.

Eventually somebody actually suggested a game should start. A toss happened. Someone won and chose something. Sloths were to field first against a formidable looking Dad’s opening pair.

Energy and vibes were strong in the field as Jonty opened the bowling. Unfortunately his grip on the ball was as strong as the vibes. Once his grip relented, line and length were found and only singles were nurdled. The Colonel launched up the hill for two miserly overs. A smart run out from Will only brought a big hitting no.3 out and Dads were on their way. A retiring JG, featuring some textbook cover drives, inadvertently broke a productive partnership and Dads innings stalled. Captain Tom came out swinging and missing to the delight of the Sloths. When he did connect though, he did so straight to Captain Fresh who took a nonchalant catch at mid-on and then un-nonchalantly told everyone how much it hurt. Ed channelling Jadeja, produced two of the quickest Sloth overs in history and featured a merciless stumping of Bathampton Son Laurie by a gleefully-fit-enough Stumpchat. Nick HRP and Fresh sent bails flying to snuff out any low order resistance. Gorgeous George left some fielding for the square leg umpire and Lanky Boy Ben attempted an underarm run out from 30 yards to ensure the fielding performance still had an eau de Sloth.

104 felt chase-able but also defendable on a slow but consistent pitch. The game in the balance.

Sloth new opening partnership Porridge and HRP demonstrated perfect cover drive technique between deliveries, after cross batting yet another accurate and straight Dad delivery. After some short deliveries were punished to the boundary the Dads begun a leg side strangle assault and grabbed the wickets of Porridge and The Colonel. Nick followed Ben Stokes advice and noticed there were no fielders in the sky, perfectly placing looped shots over the heads of mid on and mid off but just not actually to the boundary. Bonder middled a shot straight to a power-lifting Dad at square leg. Lanky Boy Ben nailed his first delivery for four through the covers and Sloths could sense victory. HRP gloriously reached retirement with a six and brought Stumpchat to the crease. Ben then promptly ran him out after hearing he was unable to change direction quickly. With the end in sight Will and George were sent out with big-hitting goals. Will forgot himself and nurdled a single to point before remembering his brief and proceeded to big hit straight to a fielder. George swung and forgot to hold on to his bat then next ball was caught and bowled off a booming straight drive. It fell to Fresh to guide it through the covers and bring a Sloth victory with an over to spare.

Over lukewarm ciders, Sloths and Dads became one again, basking in the joy of cricket returning, until talk turned to Part 2…