For the past two weeks, the skies over Bathampton have cried tears of despair, preventing Slothful activity of any significance. But yesterday the KES forum was bathed in rays of sunshine, creating a glimmer of hope that normality may somehow be restored. Conditions were thus conducive to lively debate as the BS party faithful convened in an attempt to thwart a hostile takeover bid by the far-right BFD.
Campaigning got underway with a heartening lack of negative tactics, BFD looking to score points from every exchange. Young activist Danny O, however, found holes in their argument, flooring two of their opening speakers with erudition and aided by the quick-witted intervention of Hewston on the back benches. BFD continually tried to press-home their points but Sloths presented a unified front under the firm coalition leadership of Longman and Bond.
Light relief was provided by Chairman Franks, launching a Dennis-Skinner-like barrage, one moment frivolous, the next incisive – bamboozling the opposition into acquiescence and providing his own side with both amusement and celebration. Questions were also posed by elder-statesmen Bond Senior and Norman –St.John-Dalley-Smith, to which the BFD membership had no real answers. Constantly probed by Secretary for Defence Stu ‘the line is mine’ Nelson, BFD became agitated and revealed a lack of any meaningful plan. By the recess, opinion polls showed them to have scored poorly and optimism was abroad that BS would be able to hold firm.
From the front benches, Longman led by example – eloquently driving home his points before making room for wider debate. There was a minor revolt as Ant ‘no-relation’ Howard performed a Johnsonesque switch of allegiance, having originally claimed to want no part in the proceedings. However, his contribution made little impact on the overall outcome and his rhetoric was all but swept aside by the lower-order BS rank and file.
Some younger party members were defeated by their own arguments; both Bond Junior and Lewis-The-Younger being ejected from the chamber after taking ill-advised swipes at the opposition. Nelson, however, was straight-talking as ever and paved the way for BS to win the day with irrefutable logic and a couple of hefty late blows from ‘Lefty’ Hewes. BS’s bid to remain as the incumbent party indeed held firm and they ended the day with a clear majority.
Questions were later asked in the second chamber: what has happened to the honourable member for Trumpton North, Lewis-The-Elder? And on the subject of members (honourable or otherwise), where has The (incessant) Speaker KTP been putting his? And can the absence of these two be related? Will the long-awaited Frith-off finally take place this weekend and, if so, will any outcome need to be ratified by a meeting of the Synod? Sloths’ political and legal advisors will be working feverishly behind the scenes to provide a full report as quickly as possible: apparently a Mr Chilcot is heading the investigations, so no doubt a conclusion will be reached very soon.
Nick Robinson, Political Editor, Slothful Times
(match photography courtesy of Slotherazzi)
Bear Flat Dads complaint over stump chat justified…
SLOTH BOWLING…
The dan o….
The franks…
the lodge…
the mad-EYE…
THE SDS…
I will be with you, whatever. But this is the moment to assess bluntly the difficulties.
Splendid summary of affairs, although perhaps a little laboured. Rather impressed with the conservative figures (2 maidens?) brought by the Honorable SDS; further the rather liberal approach to boundaries that Lewis-the-Younger brings to the house – a six despite facing only 3 balls. Nice. I’m in Barbados running up the expense account, but hope to join you all once I get bored with the Cockspur and strumpets.
Rumours surrounding the activities of the errant d’Pipe are largely exaggerrated, though not unfounded. It is this reader’s pleasure to inform you that Mr d’Pipe’s cricketing skills are still in top form as he has still managed to boel a few (ex) maidens over.
(Thanks…. I’m here all week. Do try the veal)
To be fair, I spread rumours of your promiscuity, or “extra curricular pipe work”. Then we thought perhaps you had gone “swilfing” which would explain Fresh Meat’s absence. Though it would appear he’s gone to the Caribbean, presumably to have that large stick removed and to learn to play cricket. Something you should consider (both counts).
Did you mistakenly add an extra vowel in that last word?
Other objects recovered include bedposts, doorknobs, mayonnaise jars, candles, a small pistol, a grocery and newspaper combo, a 12-inch long and 8-inch wide salami, tennis balls, an aluminum tube (used by a prisoner to store money and other valuables), axe handles, soldering irons, a frozen pig’s tail, a spatula, and an ice pick.
http://www.today.com/pets/adorable-sloth-selfie-sure-make-your-day-t100563
Hi Dorothy here,
to be honest I’m beginning to despair of the older gentleman I told you about, he doesn’t seem to be very active recently. Has he gone to bat for another team?
However I did notice another superb picture in your most stimulating journal of a younger Sloth called Pipe, but those bags under his eyes! He looks terribly tired, do you think he
would like a little lie down?
Yours, ever in hope,
Dorothy .