One has to question whether micromanagement of field placement at this level of friendly village cricket is strictly necessary. However, yesterday under darkening Bathampton skies and persistent drizzle, Ram’s captain insisted, with every bowling change – and sometimes in between – to fine tune the positioning of just about every fielder. Such was his attention to detail and desire for control that one wonders whether he also supervised his team’s post match shower (‘come on lads – don’t forget your armpits…’).

Prior to this, Ram had got off to an awkward start, stymied by the accuracy and pace of Maylor. Confounding Stumpchat’s clairvoyance, Maylor ignored Stu’s exhortation to ‘find the off stump’, instead taking out middle – but you can’t have everything. Danny O was similarly challenging, finding movement in the air and good variation of line and length to produce two wickets and as many chances for few runs. Young Frith also put in a good spell, running in with fluency and generating decent bounce from the damp wicket.

After a bumpy beginning, Ram then got into their stride, particularly attacking Sloth’s slower bowling and piling on the runs with some hefty boundaries. Danger-man Ev was dropped early in his innings as he mis-timed a drive to long off, for which Sloths were made to pay. In the absence of Ant to sledge his long-standing nemeses, Stumpchat provided a gentler commentary, pulling some hitherto unheard bon-mots from his lexicon and establishing an automotive theme, complete with wheels, brakes and quite possibly differentials (though it’s hard to pay attention after a point). But, despite Nelson’s keenness to remove the bails whenever the ball came to hand, wickets were hard to come by and the score continued to build.

In previous seasons, a target of 137 would have been about par for Sloths. However, perhaps due to the greenness of the outfield, anything over 110 has seemed, this year, to be something of a mountain to climb. Undeterred, openers Harper and Hewston set about their task with purpose and conviction, allowing few dot balls and running at every opportunity. Harper, however, fell early to an improbable catch by Ram’s youngster, James, deftly diving forward at point to snatch the ball one-handed, millimetres from the turf.

Maylor and Danny O both impressed with the bat and kept Sloths more or less on track with the required run rate. Last-minute sub Francis, whilst suffering from inadequate grip in the footwear department, also struck the ball convincingly and was bullied into stealing runs wherever possible. But it was the ever-keen Nelson who really upped the ante: sprinting between the wickets and marshalling the non-striker like…, well like a Yorkshireman who wants to win a game of cricket.

Fortunately for the Ram, the final run-chase fell to senior Sloths of a more sedate disposition. In fairness, they too managed to steal runs from every nick and edge but at this point only boundaries would suffice to reach the required total. With Ev and the ever-present skipper both bowling accurately and deceptively, these were not forthcoming and Sloths ultimately fell short of the total by a good 10 runs.

• So the unseemly trend towards winning form has been brought under control this week. Taking –as they say – the positives:
• Sloths’ youth policy is in good health, with the average age tumbling to an all time low.
• Although Ram boundaries were plenty, bleating was kept to an acceptable minimum.
• Maylor held onto his one catching opportunity.
• When the Carlsberg refused to flow and Moles had run out, KES’s fridge was well-stocked.
• … er…

With a leader ushering-in defeat, then absenting himself; an apparent disconnect between younger and older elements; indecision over whether to stand firm and remain in or throw the dice and risk dismissal, who knows what the future may hold? Still, it could be worse, the opposition have to grind on under the unpopular leadership of an old-school and apparently out-of-touch curmudgeon. Thank goodness we have cricket to distract us.

John Humphreys, Current Affairs Correspondent, Slothful Times