As sledging goes, Bonder telling the facing batsman that the umpire had given him ‘the tentative finger’ has to be up there as one of the more unsettling examples. In reply, another of Southstoke’s umpires actually sledged his own man, telling him he wouldn’t be there long and possibly contributing to his dismissal two balls later. It says something of the quality of a match, when these are among the more remarkable incidents on which to report but, as ever, the game did have its moments.

On a green wicket, with sluggish outfield, this was never going to be a run-fest. However, Southstoke apparently reversing their order was an odd decision when batting first. With Sloths’ young-guns haring in at unsuspecting old-timers, there ensued something of a mismatch. Maylor was on sizzling form, bowling line and length to nullify the men at the crease, whilst Danny O mixed things up sufficiently to provide an early wicket. Behind the stumps, Mike ‘Which Leg?’ Bond was tidy and took two catches despite Maylor’s insistence on terrorising him from the outfield (apparently taking ‘easy’ to mean ‘please fire the ball at my head as hard as you can’).

Will ‘Anti-Virus’ Lewis bowled exceptionally well, giving away few runs and claiming a wicket, as did Frith, confounding the batsmen with searching length and a hint of movement through the air. As the innings progressed, however, Southstoke rallied and provided the unusual spectacle of Messers Yerbury and Howard being somewhat taken apart by their late-order big hitters, the latter still managing to take two wickets amid the onslaught.

With only 96 runs to chase down, Captain Howard considered whether he too should reverse the batting order before deciding ‘no, b*ll*cs, we want to win this’. Having said that, he did promote Rick Hewes to open alongside Rich Hewston, which – if nothing else – caused a headache for the scorers. One wondered whether Rick might clam-up under the weight of responsibility but we didn’t have to wait long before the answer came. Clearly in no mood for running between the wickets, Hewes launched a barrage of 4s and one splendid 6 before retiring on 25+. Meanwhile, Hewston demonstrated his range of shots, carving the ball neatly into gaps around the field for ones and twos to ensure the score ticked over between boundaries.

Maylor was as commanding with bat as he had been with ball, swinging through the line with assured straightness in stumpchat-esque style, somewhat miffed to find himself retiring on 25 just as he was having fun. Frith looked dangerous but never quite timed the ball and Will Lewis lost his wicket first ball with a rather reckless swing at a straight delivery on a good length. Having dropped himself down the order as he would require a runner, Howard was surprised to find Bond requesting same. Frith took this role, insisting on running from square of the batsmen to the opposite stumps, thereby covering 1 ½ pitch-lengths for each run scored.

Later joined by Madeye and then replaced by SDS, Bond was a little stymied by his immobilising calf injury but nonetheless contributed with inimitable determination. Between them, this old-guard triumvirate kept the scoreboard busy, if not exactly humming, picking off the remaining total in singles and twos. SDS struck the winning shot, a finely timed off drive, with relish before eagerly repairing to the clubhouse for some well-earned refreshment … and then some more.

So that’s it really: another win, two fine retirements, one confused runner, one abused batsmen and a host of unreported stats. Job done – I’m off to Glastonbury. Cheers.

Michael Eavis, Agricultural Correspondent, Slothful Times