‘Dead Sloths’ littered the outfield in solute yesterday evening in the fading light as Yerbury stole the winning run. It was Stumpchat who had struck the ball but, in an unlikely role reversal, Ric who cajoled him into going for a second to seal the victory. With two balls remaining, 8 runs had been required and Stu had chosen this moment to hit the first 6 of his playing career, thus leaving two to win from the final ball of play. To say the atmosphere was tense would be something of an understatement.
As has been customary this season, Sloths’ bowling had been incisive and penetrating: Maylor and Eyley leading the charge with pace, line and length. Cam Bond induced a stumping first ball and regularly found the edge; SDS on his comeback was tidy and consistent; Hewes created opportunities for Stumpchat to whip off the bails; Howard was characteristically on the money; Yerbury was beguiling as always and Madeye struck with his rare straight balls. Hewston, fed-up with being moved away from catching positions, decided – once more – to fly solo, resorting to taking a catch from his own bowling, where Ant couldn’t interfere.
In the field, this week’s ball-magnet was Maylor, who remained an ever threatening presence in spite of Stumpchat’s tendency to induce panic by screaming ‘FIRE IT IN!’ at him. His one successful attempt unfortunately left the umpire unsighted and unable to give the run-out decision most agreed was due. Bond Jnr and Eyley – on opposite boundaries – saved many a run with their quick feet and strong arm, the former making a difficult catch look easy, running to his right in the deep to pluck a lofted drive from the air two-handed at extra cover (as SDS observed: ‘like a leaping sausage’). But the dismissal of the innings had to be that of one of Guinness’s more threatening batsmen, who – backing up from the non-striker’s end – found himself stranded as Harper, eschewing the caught-and-bowled of a less imposing batsman on strike, cunningly deflected the ball onto the opposite stumps. Genius.
All of which left Sloths with just 108 runs to chase down for victory. Admittedly, conditions weren’t optimal under darkening, cloud-laden skies but Sloths really did make heavy weather of it and appeared fearful of the modest target. Bond Snr – on umpiring duties this week due to a lingering calf injury – declared this to be ‘The worst batting performance I’ve ever seen’ (and he’s seen a few shockers in his time). Harper did begin in commanding form, able to pick singles with ease, but rarely found the boundary and was dismissed before he could do any serious damage. Hewston didn’t really get going either, ditto Maylor… and so it continued, wickets falling largely as a result of impatience with indifferent bowling.
The stand-out innings (plural), however, were those of Stumpchat: playing a beautifully straight bat throughout and hitting the shot of the day with a classic drive through long off for four. When he retired on 25, Sloths required just under 6 an over; victory was in sight but few wickets remained. Guinness had kept one or two ‘proper’ bowlers back for the denouement and as the pressure to score remained, wickets continued to fall. Happily for Sloths, this allowed for the return of Stumpchat in the final over. The rest – as they say – is history.
Hunter S Thompson, Gonzo Cricket Correspondent, Slothful Times
