The last time Sloths and Old Eds met at the KES ground, Bathampton provided auxiliary players to make up the E-numbers. It seemed fitting, therefore, at this second joint home-fixture yesterday evening, for the favour to be returned. Indeed, Sloths were so depleted that three Friths of the team came from one family. It may be that some have taken early hibernation, whilst others were presumably busy watching grown men chase a ball around a park.

More Sloths were allegedly on the way, so it was decided Bathampton should face first and agreed that – in the absence of a full line-up – batsmen would return for a second innings where required. Old Ed’s captain further suggested the Frithlings be protected from his opening fast bowler, Kit. How much of this was gamesmanship is open to debate: whereas he was quick, Sloths have certainly faced similar pace before.

With Friths S and H thus manning the scorebook and only six players in attendance, this left the somewhat confusing situation of padded-up batsmen-in-waiting performing umpiring duties. The fall of a wicket then saw the retiring batsman remove his gloves, pass on his bat and then take up the officiating position, as the erstwhile umpire took guard.

Following the prolonged hot, dry weather, the wicket and outfield were barely distinguishable. Faster deliveries were therefore easily dispatched to the boundary, often straight through the rather optimistic slip cordon. And when the pace slowed, E’s number 12 – gamely swelling the Sloth ranks – provided a Crash course in taking on the spin, hitting five fours in one over. So too the returning Lewis, punishing everything the bowlers could throw at him and rendering the keenly backing-up Madeye obsolete with successive boundaries.

Frith Senior batted (twice) with resolve and grit. Harper cut, nurdled and drove, before an unfortunate run-out from an unlikely direct hit. Both Frith Juniors looked solid and un-phased by the bowling. And Madeye carried the bat for an un-beaten 29. However, in these conditions, the 159 runs thus posted were not insurmountable.

With ball in hand, Lewis showed devastating line and length with some pace and bounce. Frith H put on another excellent display of precision and spin, sadly not gleaning all the wickets due but hitting the stumps in lieu of dropped chances. Frith S, a little sharper of pace, was similarly effective and bowled a good spell under difficult circumstances. Sadly, however, regulars Madeye and Frith Snr were somewhat more wayward and duly punished for their sins. Es had some big hitters onboard and an early onslaught meant their meeting the Sloth total was never in doubt.

A brief appearance of Sloth Bond meant one fewer Old Ed was needed in the field for the closing stages of the game. There was, however, little reward for making such a valiant effort on an evening when he had been declared unavailable. Forgotten on the long boundary, then ushered in to see the winning runs hit from decent bowling, Mike can be forgiven for wondering why he had bothered when so many had not.

So has the prolonged heat-wave induced unseasonal slumber in hitherto spritely Sloths? Should England reach the World Cup final on Sunday, how many will be there to face those ever-bleating Rams? And what is the correct response to an offer of dregs from an Edwardian barrel of Ale?

Well… if you don’t turn out, you won’t find out!

Theresa May, Abandonment-Issues Correspondent, Slothful Times