It can be a sorry sight to behold, when a trail of Sloth batsmen returns to the clubhouse in quick succession of a Tuesday evening. Only, on this occasion, the exodus was brought about by said Sloths each passing 25 and retiring. When viewed from the fielding Old Edwardian’s team perspective, this was actually quite alarming.

The recently re-laid track and dry weather ensured the ball was coming onto the bat sweetly, then racing to the boundary when firmly struck. In particular, newly-recruited (nicked from St Johns) Paul-the-other-one McCauley, demonstrated this with ease, stating after the game that, actually, he is ‘not a batsman’. He could have fooled us – and can we have our ball back please?

Howard, consolidating his opener status, retired also – aided and abetted by some wayward deliveries, with which he may or may not have connected before they bypassed the wicketkeeper. Bonds junior and senior both enjoyed freedom to swing across the line, Cam picking up several sixes in the process. In fact, it would be easier to mention those that did not retire, such was the consistent high-scoring. But that would be cruel. Oh, OK then… Painter was, I believe, caught by the athletic all-rounder ‘Kit’; Hewes played-on to a peach of a delivery from somebody or other…

Beyond that, it’s all a bit of a blur. Suffice to say that runs were scored in abundance, with the visitors fielding a skeleton team of just ten men (more accurately – nine men and a boy; OK – eight men, one boy and a Sloth). Hopefully, Ant will be able to furnish the web site with a copy of the score book, so each can marvel at his achievements. Pity whoever is responsible for keeping the F-L stats in order: this is going to be a season of broken records by the bucket-load.

To wit, Sloths finished with what is believed to be a record 20-over innings score of 181. Yes. One hundred and eighty-one! Unbeatable, surely? Well, yes. If ever words were to be eaten, they must clearly be those of the visiting captain, electing to bat second and announcing ‘It’s OK, we’ve got some proper batsmen and will beat whatever they can score’. Chairman Franks assures me this was said in irony – though it sounded sincere at the time.

Old Eds did, indeed have some proper batsmen. However, Sloths also had some proper bowlers. Paul ‘No. 10’ McCauley, for one, asked some serious questions, gaining at least one serious answer in the form of a wicket. Headon was, once again, full of fire and purpose, huffing-in from the Paramedic end. Hewes also knocked over the stumps, with a delivery intended for Madeye (who had contrived to be at the other end – moonlighting, as he was, for Old E’s).

Notley, coming in like a man with a grudge to settle, took a wicket with his first ball, before proceeding to set a record for the longest two-over spell in Sloth history. Headon took a terrific catch, early on, to remove one of E’s recognised batsmen. Cawley Junior made the run-chase hard work. As did Howard. And so on. And so on.

Needless to say, E’s fell some way short of the target. However, this was a spirited performance form an under-staffed and overwhelmed opposition, who manfully managed to sink a couple of bottled beers in their own under-stocked and over-rated bar before heading home to lick their collective wounds.

So, is this winning streak set to continue? Will we see the return of much-missed Sloth Harper? Will protective headwear become compulsory for passing canal-boaters? And what are our views on private education? (Let’s not dwell on the details of our privileged status as a village cricket team with a pitch to die for, eh?). Those seeking answers to the above should declare their availability early, as team places are increasingly at a premium. Except – of course – Harper, who is guaranteed a game any time.

Damien Hinds, education correspondent, Slothfull Times