Keen to make a good start to their tour, the visiting Canal Taverners wasted no time, Friday night at King Edwards, in nabbing the Sloth openers and laying siege to their meagre resources. However, a late comeback by 12th-man Franks then led to a record-breaking stand from messrs Madeye and Dalley-Smith.

Seeing off the opening partnership of Stowford and Abbey, they then laid waste to both the Italian and Scotch contingent, eventually retiring for light at 445. But enough about the drinking, onto the game…

With a glut of top-rate players, it was a natural choice for returning skipper Harper to put in Lodge to face first. Sadly, though, he couldn’t think of a batsman with whom to partner him. Having tried in vain to run Lodge out (again), Madeye was, thankfully, swiftly removed and so the innings proper could begin. Freshmeat, smarting from the indignity of having to watch this debacle from the boundary, quickly set about sending the ball back over it. And, since retirements were not in force, he threw caution to the wind and his bat at everything.

Tuesday rules having been abandoned for this Friday fixture, Taverners had the luxury of giving four overs each to their better bowlers and this proved decisive. Lodge soon went the way of Madeye, Fresh was caught off a hoisted drive and Frith Senior was dismissed playing on, before he had had a chance to get a proper look at the bowling. Hewston was controversially given out, adjudged to have gloved the ball before it glanced his pad and was well-taken down leg by the keeper.

Frith Junior made a solid start, looking tidy and compact against unrestrained bowling. Trying in vain to ignore the Taverners’ appeals for a run-out, however, the umpire was compelled to concede that the Frithling was short of the crease when the ball struck. Dan O appeared eager to echo Fresh’s disdain for the pink ball by depositing it in the canal but somehow never quite managed to time his hefty swings of the willow.

Evetts looked vulnerable when he first reached the middle but steered some nicely-judged sweeps and nicks to the boundary. Dalley-Smith then showed tremendous purpose in hitting the ball with uncharacteristic urgency, providing some invaluable late runs. However, Sloths had been well-contained and the score fell short of three figured at the end of twenty overs.

One might, then, expect a dispirited fielding Sloth side to leak runs and lose heart. This was far from the case. In fact, the home team put on a fine display of bowling and fielding. Lewis gave the openers plenty to think about, relishing the extended spell and the opportunity to bring in variation of speed, line and length this provided. Lodge generated several mis-timed shots that came close to providing catching chances and implored the umpire to give LBW for his first delivery.

Frith Junior was entirely un-fazed by the task of bowling late in the innings to batsmen with their eye in and discomfited them with his slower pace and accurate flight. Dan O, however, was the bowler that caused the most damage, taking three wickets and shaking the otherwise stolid Taverners’ resolve. Fielding at mid-off, Evetts comfortably held onto a catch when it came his way and Harper, behind the stumps for the first time in many a moon, was tidy and secure.

This was a spirited and impressive defence of a lowly run count. However, when it came down to it, that total was just too low. There was a time when it looked as though Sloths may pull off the most improbable of upsets but Taverners had fielded a strong side, knowing that on their previous two visits they had been well beaten at Bathampton. Capitulating as they did on this occasion, there was certainly no shame in defeat for the hosts.

So where does this leave Sloths for the season? Without recourse to any kind of factual information (why start now?) this correspondent would estimate that honours are pretty even. Questions, as ever, remain – such as: had the Taverners’ bowler actually managed to take a catch using his genitals, how would that be logged in the score book? Will KES ever re-stock the bar? And where is shirt?

Vivian Stanshall, non-sequitur correspondent, Slothful Times