It’s always a joy to behold Freshmeat timing the ball sweetly and drawing admiring comments from the opposition. Apparently effortless was his progression to 25 runs, yesterday at KES, before making way for his eager teammates. Somewhat less aesthetic but nonetheless entertaining were the familiar improvised strokes of Franks. And then newbie Oskar showed a willingness to dig in and have a go, providing hope for the future of Slothdom.

With the ball, all three were similarly entertaining. Fresh stifled the otherwise explosive opening batsman with full-pitched and urgent deliveries. Franks’ long-hops, on this occasion, didn’t create so much devastation as hitting practice but are always a welcome diversion. And Oskar bowled too…

Just a shame, then, that all three were deputising for the shorthanded visitors, Stella. The ongoing Freshmeat-McCauley beef, therefore, took on renewed menace. Hard to say who had the upper hand here but each contrived to bowl at the other. Fresh was dropped by D’Pipe, who adhered to the new Sloth tradition of then failing to return the ball as runs were stolen. Later asked to comment, Pipe responded “Can you please move away from the vicar, so I can tell you to fuck off?”.

Maylor was outstanding, his quick and accurate deliveries matched by his boundless enthusiasm. This only marred by one drop. And that was just his bar-tending. He bowled pretty well too, taking 3 for 5.

Frith Junior-Senior (if you see what I mean) appears to have found a new gear in his bowling action. Now with genuine zip and venom, he represents a formidable strike-bowler. Junior-Junior, meanwhile, contrasted this with accurate, flighted, slow bowling that exhorted the batsmen to hit hard. They struggled, however, to connect. More cause for optimism over the longevity of Slothkind.

Painter, once again, looked at ease with the bat. He drove the well-pitched ball and stretched his reconstructed frame to fashion wide balls into boundaries. McCauley provided a solid foundation for his team to build on (you’re right, I’ve forgotten – but pretty sure he scored some runs). Bond looked commanding, playing with confidence until he was becalmed mid-innings. Hewes faced some confounding deliveries, now in lurid pink (the ball, not Rick) and was similarly stifled. And, despite the best efforts of Howard and Frith Junior-Junior, things rather ground to a halt.

Stella’s expectations of a trouncing were well-founded in view of the formidable Sloth line-up. Their score of just 113 certainly wasn’t enough to prevent a home victory. Except, it was. Bolstered by the aforementioned Sloths, Stella managed, somehow, to defend this meagre total. Still, as chairman Franks later observed, it wouldn’t do to continuously defeat such a friendly foe.

Post-match analysis, in the resurrected pavilion bar, shed little light on the whys and wherefores:

• Should Maylor be routinely prepared with alcohol in order to enhance his bowling?
• Could Maylor be employed full-time to run the Sloth bar?
• Should Maylor be allowed anywhere near this or any other bar, considering his post-match performance?
• Is Franks’ new glam-wear a cunning ploy to distract batsmen?
• Should Fresh abandon his futile attempts to get past the planning committee?
• Can Houston be lured back into the fold, away from his Frome idyll?
• Can SDS possibly survive another Glastonbury?

We’ll leave it, as Queen once said, ‘in the lap of the gods’. Or, as Jonty might say, in the hands of God (though I’m not sure he’d be inclined stick his neck out just at the moment).

Tim Martin; entertainment & beverages correspondent; Slothful Times