Tuesday 23 May 2023

A month into the season and Sloths well and truly out of hibernation now. Upon hearing of Bathford having 8 players for the game, 14 Sloths appear stretching and creaking into the early evening sunshine. 14 whole Sloths in one place! And it wasn’t even a pub! Then 10 Bathford players also appear. Ah. Well, let’s play 12 a side, how much difference could that make?

Turns out, quite a bit. Bathford batted first and found the field 1/12th (or 1/11th?) fuller than normal. Sloths will claim it was their fielding excellence that made the difference as the dot balls racked up but it could also be the 7 fielders in the covers. Will caused trouble up the hill, but after Riccayyy made the first breakthrough drifting down the hill, the first volun-told Sloth-in-disguise was brought to the crease. Jimmer returned to KES after a shoulder, hip and/or calf injury and was eager to feel bat on ball. He did just this. Twice. Before being bowled by an absolute Jaffa from Jonty. At 16-2 off 5 overs, Bathford needed to regroup. Matt Cox bowled wheels but was sent to the boundary a handful of times. Singles were worked off Lodgey and George as a partnership was built. Trafford, another recruit from the fertile feeder club Bathampton Dad’s, made the breakthrough bowling a well set batter and the Sloths sniffed an opening. Their nostrils further widened as Porridge waltzed to the wicket, the second undercover Sloth received a warm welcome from his previous friends and settled down to face a rejuvenated and injury-free (please!) Headon. After being beaten by a slow bouncer and an in-swinger thundering into his pads, Porridge charged and spooned a boundary over mid-wicket. Sloths incensed, they sent on their secret weapon and serial impact bowler, SDS. The King Of The Sloths lured his victim on to the back foot with a looping delivery that smartly beat the bat (underneath it). Let’s just say the Sloths absolutely loved it. Brent wrapped up the innings with some miserly bowling and Bathford totalled 96.

Sloth openers The Gas and Long Man stole singles between the smaller-than-normal- gaps in the field and occasionally bludgeoned shots straight through them. Tom especially timing some beauties and Lodgey retiring on 27. The fall of the Skipper brought in Lazarus who demonstrated a classical style but fell for 9. Trafford then took a different approach and heaved his first ball towards the short boundary as Porridge eagerly chased, the ball was caught and celebrations ensued. Quickly smothered as Porridge was spotted to be 10 metres over the rope. Will nurdled some singles in a very new-season-approach style. Sloths chugged along but wickets kept falling. Riccayyyy ignored all temptation to use his left-handedness to target the short boundary and the plethora of fielders placed there with some inside knowledge. His shoulders would turn and his eyes would light up before deciding to dab it to mid-off in a disappointingly sensible way. The Sloth in him however could not be sated and he duly took the bait, but practically hit it onto the second pitch. Gorgeous George arrived with instructions to end it quickly and did with a sweetly struck four. There was no wicket taken by the Sloths-in-disguise to their dismay as there is nothing sweeter.

The next time so many Sloths appear at once it will be on tour, reports to come, if anyone remembers what happens.