What a glorious vista, yesterday afternoon, at Priston Festival’s beautifully-appointed overflow carpark. With buzzards wheeling majestically overhead, the church spire peering above tumbledown Cotswold-stone cottages and rolling, verdant hills in every direction, all was bathed in glorious Spring sunshine. And this bucolic idyll was soundtracked by a constant, melodic, chirp and babble. Yes: Stumpchat is back!

Though, it has to be said, Stu’s strategic sense was a little off. He went in too hard at the outset, realising too late he’d not paced himself properly. Meanwhile, fresh Junior slipped under the radar, enjoying the spoils of underestimation and launching a second foray when nobody was paying attention. But enough of the teas.

Whereas said refreshments normally ensure a surfeit of glutinous Sloths in attendance, this weekend Bathampton relied on a slew of debutants to fill the ranks. Clearly, the bulk of regular players had taken an early holiday in order to be back in time for Bike to The Future at Bath Fringe (June 1st, Old Theatre Royal – tickets from Bike to The Future – Komedia Bath). But no matter: this provided an opportunity to check out some new talent and a possible glimpse of the future for Sloths.

To wit: Ben ‘the-one-that-works-with-Luke’ injected Indian street-cricket vibes into the proceedings, with a joy and exuberance of Horrocksian magnitude. Bowling with a broad grin and the air of one throwing down a tennis ball in the company carpark, Ben later batted with similar freedom, untroubled by the devastation all around.

Johnny ‘king-of-the-sea’, having declared he’d not played for twenty years (they all say that), looked like a proper cricketer. The first ball of his bowling stint scudded through at fearsome pace and ankle-breaking height, narrowly missing the wickets. And this intensity continued, matched by run-saving work on the boundary and, later, a commanding performance with the bat.

And then there was Dan (of no fixed nickname). Whilst Dan – thrown in at the deep end, opening the Sloth innings with captain Fresh – looked a little tentative with the bat, he’d already bowled a tidy spell and taken a vital catch. Seeing the ball lofted in the vicinity of Madeye, Dan had the presence of mind to loudly shout ‘Dan’s!!’ – and Dan’s it was.

Fresh, Laurie, Harding and Lazarus all worked hard to keep the Priston run-rate down to a manageable level. So, it fell to Madeye – mindful of last tour’s ‘Maidengate’ – to make a game of it. And, three overs later, Priston were back on track for a winning total. Their opener ‘Taiko-Sam’ was largely responsible for this, batting the entire innings for an unbeaten 90 runs.

Whilst Sloths had acquitted themselves well in the field, Priston acquitted themselves weller. Used to the quirks of a pitch that necessitates bowling uphill from either end, whilst also managing to slope sideways, they used the option of orthodox spin – lacking in the Sloth arsenal – to good effect.

Some optimistic appeals for LBW were duly ignored. But nobody can deny the clatter of leather on stump. Or fail to admire a brace of well-held caught-and-bowleds from opener Ken.

Fresh and Jimmy both showed early promise. Johnny ‘King-of-The-Sea’, as mentioned, played some proper shots to good effect. And Ben the-one-that-works-with-Luke hit with gay abandon. But, one by one, Sloths were removed with runs still required.

And so, it fell to the unlikely last-wicket partnership of Madigan and Madigan to save the day. Sometimes history just writes itself. Occasionally the poetry of a moment flies in the face of harsh reality. Now and again, plucky underdogs prevail.

But not on this occasion.

You want specifics? Well, this correspondent will be otherwise engaged for the next week or so but happy to fill you in, in person, at the Old Theatre Royal Bath, on June 1st, from 8pm, tickets from Bike to The Future – Komedia Bath (look, no-one pays for this shit, so I have to find me own way to make it worthwhile).

Meanwhile, you may like to ponder the following conundra (as mulled-over in the fading sunshine over fridge-cooled cans of Prophecy):

• Should a batsman be permitted a runner, if the pre-innings discussion of calling-etiquette lasts longer than the innings itself?
• Is it acceptable to load your plate with both savouries and cakes?
• Having adopted said strategy, is it then OK to go back for more?
• If Stumpchat were to play cricket in a forest, with nobody there to hear him, would he still make a sound?

Answers, please, baked into a Battenberg and deposited at the KES pavilion, during the next home Sunday’s tea interval.

Mary Berry, Cake Correspondent, Slothful Times