There is no shame in Sloths conceding defeat when the opposing team is clearly in a different league – or, indeed, in a league at all. Yet somehow what is normally a good-natured fixture to mark the end of the season – at a pleasant ground with welcoming hosts and hearty teas – this year lacked something in the joie-de-vivre department. There was Banter aplenty from the Hampset ranks but Sloths were strangely muted as they faced the realisation that they were simply outclassed.
On a dry yet overcast day, sandwiched between heavy rains, there was little surprise to find the ball moving through the air. Fortunately for John ‘That’s a Wide’ Lodge, Hampset had opted to forego the lbw on this occasion. Otherwise he would have been dismissed first ball by a beauty, pitching on leg and straightening to undoubtedly hit the wickets were his pad not inline. The first ball of the subsequent over from the same bowler was a carbon copy and had lbw judgements been required he may have wanted other offenses to be taken into consideration.
The quality of bowling remained high from Hampset and Bathampton’s innings became one of repeated false starts. Lodge underestimated the turn of a friendly-looking lob from ‘Copey’ that pitched outside off but went on to remove same. Copey, though being out of breath from his first delivery, dismissed Bond – as he swung, rather casually, across the line – with a similar ball. Hewston, meanwhile, fell to possibly the only non self-inflicted dismissal of the innings, being well caught from a firm off drive that on another day may well have raced to the boundary.
At the more youthful end of the Sloth spectrum, things looked a little brighter, though the suicidal tendency was here to be found too. Danny O, batting at number three, lent into his shots nicely and kept things moving with well-judged ones and twos, steering the ball into gaps in the field. Will Lewis took a rather more direct approach, eschewing the sodden turf in favour of hoisting the ball into neighbouring rose beds, until his inevitable demise to a swing too far. Stumpchat worked and hussled as always, ever eager to steal an extra run, even when none was available, ultimately running himself out in the process. Hewes did the same and SDS also inflicted that fate on Madeye, before ending the innings with a sublime square cut for two runs to bring the Sloth total to 126.
There was never much doubt that in a 30-over game against strong opposition, this was not going to be a big enough total to defend. Hewes, however, found the edge several times and was unlucky not to dismiss Hampset’s opener, ‘Josh’. D’Pipe similarly induced discomfort in the batsmen but they were already finding the boundary with anything that wasn’t on the money and quickly began to build a score. Josh went on to display a full complement of strokes, hitting the ball with apparent ease to every part of the field. Copey, though a study of immobility in the foot department, deployed sheer strength and timing to do the same before Skipper John, in fitting retribution, dis-Lodged the bails (see what I did there?) as Copey swung recklessly across a straight delivery.
Danny O, took a few balls to find his line but was otherwise menacing as always. Hewston impressed with flight and turn and Yerbury probed away, desperately seeking a vital breakthrough. Nobody is ever quite sure what Stumpchat is on but he was clearly mesmerised by the flashing bails, seeking to set them into action at every opportunity. Sadly, the one time he did this while the batsman was out of his crease, he neglected to have the ball in his gloves. (Having said that, the Hampset keeper went one better, neglecting to even remove the bails when a clear run-out had been secured.)
All the while Hampset kept on scoring, often in boundaries, and the deficit evaporated in short order. Soon before the total was reached, in just 17 overs, Yerbury was heard to say that this would be the last we’ll be seeing of him on the field of play. One hopes this was borne out of frustration and that he will relent after a little R and R.
There was a poor showing in the clubhouse afterwards, with sandwiches left untouched and beer undrunk. Reconvening in the George to bid suitable farewell to what has been a season of ups and downs, it fell to just two senior Sloths to consume an appropriate quantity of alcohol for the team. Initially wrong-footed by the delivery of a ‘wrong-un’ (there was no cider on draft), SDS quickly adjusted his stance, whilst Madeye dealt swiftly with several Gems from the canal end. It was a fine innings from both players and it would be fair to say that whereas Sloths may have been beaten by Hampset, SDS comprehensively conquered Stella.
Oliver Reed, Pubs & Restaurants Critic, Slothful Times
