On a blustery June evening that suggested summer might already be over for another year, a professional-looking Sloths side limbered up for their annual battle against old foes Stella. In recent seasons, Stella had become more like Stella 0.0% alcohol free, with a younger crop of talent seemingly coming through the ranks this year.

Jimmy C arrived in regulation baggy black jogging bottoms and oversized black fleece. Such was the respect generated by his attire that he was immediately promoted to open the batting. Perhaps the bowlers underestimated him, because he promptly smashed a rapid 26 not out in just a handful of overs, peppering the leg side with a series of well-placed boundaries.

At the other end, Johnny adopted a more leisurely approach to proceedings. His 26 came over a mammoth 13 overs, prompting increasingly desperate pleas from Ant for someone to “please get him the f*ck out.” Mustard and Brent fell cheaply before the Doc joined Johnny and injected some much-needed urgency, including a cracking six that threatened to shame Johnny into action. Will anchored the innings with aplomb, while George played a couple of wonderful looking sweep shots but unfortunately forgot the crucial step of actually hitting the ball. Dan then scored more runs in five deliveries than Johnny had managed in seven overs.

What had looked like a potentially underwhelming total of 125 was eventually presented to the Stella boys. As the drizzle began to fall, hopes among your correspondent lurking on the boundary were as high as the waistband on his tracksuit bottoms.

However, a superb display of controlled slow bowling from Dan, Ed, the Doc and Jimmy frustrated the Stella openers, who appeared to be batting in reverse order for reasons nobody could satisfactorily explain. A stunning catch from Mustard was ruled a no-ball, but further sharp catches from Johnny and the Doc stuck safely, despite an embarrasing wardrobe malfunction by the Doc that Jimmy will never be able to unsee.

Speaking of wardrobe malfunctions, many people forgot Jimmy was even playing as he spent much of the innings lounging on the boundary dressed entirely in black, looking as though he had misplaced his ankle tag and or caravan.

The wickets fell and the runs dried up until a new Stella batsman arrived and launched a succession of enormous sixes off Ant that looked almost as ominous as the gathering clouds. Brent rounded off a disappointing day by conceding 28 from his second over, providing fresh hope ahead of the Test series that his fellow countrymen might also fail to adapt to the inclement weather.

Fortunately, once the Stella talent had been forced to retire we saw excellent bowling from Johnny and Matt that steadied the ship and the Sloths cantered home to victory with runs to spare. Special mention must also go to Will for a fine performance behind the stumps.

What did we learn?

Brent is fallible.
Jimmy may need assistance getting dressed but not with batting
The Sloths are actually quite good now
June is the new autumn