vs Bathampton Dad’s @ KES, 12th May 2024
Some of the greatest stories begin at the end. Teasing the reader with the impossible-seeming outcome.
Some of the wildest stories start at the end. To tease the reader. A glimpse into an impossible seeming future. Well, this story will start at the end, but with a sound. This sound can still be heard echoing around the valleys west of Bath. It was the sound of the perfect meeting of willow and leather. Willow that had spent 30 years happily growing, before being felled, dried and planed into shape. Leather that had once been a red cow somewhere and was now a vessel of pain and joy. The sound was caused as two Antipodeans did battle, Brent bowling the final ball (twice) against Trafford, the Dad’s final wicket. With 3 runs to win.
Insert rewinding noises to go back to the start of the story
Sloths batted first under glorious sunshine, Ish and Nick HRP opening with different strategies. Nick determined to play the “proper shot at the proper time” and Ish determined to have a good time resulting in a 40 run opening partnership before Luke got HRP with a straight one and Ish caught coolly by Dan D. Laurie, Porridge and (the nearly timed-out for taking an age to find some mafia-boss-hand-sized gloves) Bonder were given strict instructions to “enjoy it and have a swing”. This ruse of joy led to low scores, a lot of dots, an excellent caught & bowled to snaffle Laurie’s Dad’s son and Captain Gas Man bringing the thunder. Riccay and Stu relished the challenge, swiping slo-mo sixes before both being caught going aerial. Lodgey chopped on trying to continue the counterattack and a front-foot-defending Fresh got castled by a Gas Man special, jagging in off the seam on a length to clatter middle and leg. An appreciative nod from Fresh was greeted with a Jimmy-Anderson-esque send off from a gee’d up Gas Man, these Dad’s mean business. Tom E getting drift and turn and Dan D swinging it a mile. Mother cricket saw it just to bring them down to earth as Brent crunched a luscious straight drive for four off the final ball of the innings to set the Dads a solid target of 133.
The Dad’s chase was led by regular Sloth James “The Doc” G and a new face in Pete. Pete was in shorts and said he hadn’t played in a while, a classic lure, on further interrogation he revealed a strong cricketing past after some suspiciously Joe Root imitation cuts and dabs. Ish and a bowling StumpChat were miserly until a couple of rare wide deliveries were dispatched to the boundary. To exact his revenge, StumpChat donned the gloves, to the relief of a pummelled Bonder, whipped the bails off a gently toppling Pete and (eventually) gathered a skyed effort from The Doc. With the openers removed in quick succession the Sloths felt they had the edge but, alas, the Dad’s regrouped with Jeremy and Trafford taking on HRP and Porridge’s perfectly-decent bowling (if you ask me) to punch them above the required rate. The boundary took a beating and two’s were found as Sloth hamstrings’ pinged across the field. Mercifully, both batters retired at the same time to give the ball a rest. Riccay then ruined Craig’s nice day out with an absolute jaffa. Dan D ran him and his partner into the ground as the target approached. Two run outs and a stumped Gas Man brought the retirees back out in the final over, as a friendly tension filled the ground and all eyes locked on to Brent’s final deliveries.
A four to win it off the final ball. Trafford looked an island of calm, fielders on the boundary prepared themselves as Brent sent down a delivery on off. A swing and a miss! Sloth’s sigh a sigh of relief, for what seemed like eternity until the dreaded signal was made… a wide. Gasps all round as the players reset. Brent gathered himself, put one on a length, only for Trafford to dispatch it straight down the ground, splitting Laurie & Porridge on the rope and splitting ear drums across the field.