vs. Stella Select, 7th May 2024
Nope, must be a mirage. Can’t be real. AI, probably. Sloths stared, confusedly, at the big yellow ball thing in the sky that was giving off some kind of heat. Then again, they stare confusedly at most things. Once it was confirmed as being the actual sun, gasps were shared and hands held aloft. We’d made it to ‘summer’.
Fresh began with his usual trick of shouting at everyone to hurry up, but not mention what we should be hurrying to exactly. Were we fielding or did we need to get pads on? Turns out, we were fielding and so his shouting honed in on the padless Stumpchat, who had to decant four separate bags for his kit and one secret compartment on his new child bike trailer (which is definitely a cricket bag transporter first, then a family after-thought).
Sloths bowled with varying gusto, aim and pace to bewildered Stella batters facing their first game of the season. Ish bowled quick with some on-length and some beamers at their hips for no reward but Porridge bowled dibbly-dobblers, short and on leg and got two wickets. Ah, that fair old game ‘Cricket’. After 6 overs, Stellas were struggling at 11-3, Ed Jadeja having wheeled through an over and attracting a thin edge to (the now padded) Stumpchat. Runs came more freely against Laz’s variable length, Nash’s legging and Frank’s first whirl in a while. A rare boundary featured a prowling Laz special; he began charging at the bouncing ball before panicking, retreating and hurling himself backward as the ball chuckled past. Brent Trent Boult grabbed himself a(nother) wicket and declared “Oh, it’d just be nice to get in the match report” but HA this reporter won’t be so easily swayed to mention his continued run of wickets, NO, I won’t be fooled into mentioning it. Good Will swung it a mile, grabbed a wicket and there was the welcome sight of Jimmy landing his mystery legging, with thanks to the ‘Special Burger’ he’d had (round the back of) at The George beforehand. Sloths set 110 to win!
Buoyed by the burger, Jimmy opened and looked fluid, Ed swung and swung hard. Excitement bubbled away in the batting line up as Ish entered at 3, with his bat from that had been delivered via The Netherlands. Looks were shared as the bat was revealed, had it shrunk on the flight? Nope, it was his childhood bat, his pride and joy. This pride obviously didn’t stop some Sloth ridicule but he silenced the doubters with some legside sixes that sounded like gunshots, a deer 3 miles away ducked. Frank scurried his way to 4 before a disastrous run out bringing in Fresh to gently lift his second ball to mid off, declaring on his return “Well, that was shit”, to much agreement. This left the aesthetically-pleasing, proper-cricket-connoisseurs Stu and Laz to cover drive their way to the finish line. Stu maintaining that he would only play the proper shot at the proper time. So duly won the game with a mow over cow off a ball on off for 6 (one for the purists there). The grin on his face told all that he couldn’t wait to message P Mac to let him know.
As the sun came down, Stellas and Sloths revelled in this new found season that some have referred to as ‘summer’.