vs Winsley Elite XI @ Winsley CC, 15th May 2024
Captain Bonder does not mess around. This is a competitive man. A man who strives for excellence, total commitment and, above all else, a mid-week win away at Winsley playing a friendly-non-competitive game of cricket for-a-laugh.
Sloths record away at Winsley isn’t pretty where they have to play on a Wednesday. Wednesdays are not traditionally the day of the Sloth and, therefore, it seems to have a strange effect on them. When I say effect, I mean, most of them aren’t available. Up step, Sloths of old! Mike B and Swanny, Sloth heritage claiming to have not played for years but both putting in performances that lead to talk of potential immediate retirement hereafter.
Winsleys ground looked a picture as Sloths were led on the field by a striding Bonder. The man with a (written down) plan. Too Good Nash was to set the field as Bonder’s cunning bowling plan was enacted. One end pace, one end spin (sounds better than slow). The Winsley batters couldn’t find a rhythm as runs were hard to come by with the ever-bespokely-tinkered field placements and the bowling variety. Ish did decide to help their run rate out towards the end by aggressively chasing a ball along the boundary, reaching it and then skillfully getting his entire body out the way of it for a rare boundary. But we said we wouldn’t mention it. Jimmer found himself perfectly placed at midwicket for a catch that swirled high in the sky as a deafening silence surrounded him. Sloths were all collectively thinking, “I wonder if he’ll still find a way to fall over while catching this on if he doesn’t have to move for it?”. Don’t worry readers, he caught it and still fell, it’s Jimmer. Mike B bowled 3 overs of 5 year-marinated perfect seam-up pace that deserved a wicket and Swanny’s 2 overs for 4 runs were delivered like a Sunil Narine look-a-like. Nash’s arm ball clattered the stumps and Frank put a tricky one down leg, drawing the batter forward as Porridge collected and whipped off the bails. But the square leg ump was unmoved! The batter went to do some gardening and then glumly walked, another strange wicket to add to the collection. Winsley all out for 98 on a good, true wicket and the Sloths were in new territory.
Bonder called for the big guns and sent in The Doc and Jimmer with strict instructions to “give it to em”. Winsley took Bonder’s approach with the bowling and had one end of fast, unplayable, spin and full, slow, bungers from the other. Sloths had to survive at one end and then make hay at the other. In a blink of an eye, Jimmer had nearly been bowled several times but also smashed his way to 25 and retirement. Porridge then joined The Doc and repeatedly stole the strike while also lowering the strike rate, a classic T20 move. A crushing blow to the box, a dropped edge and even a suspicion of a ball hitting his stumps but not dislodging the bails, Porridge somehow reached 25 alongside The Doc, leaving GoodWill to smash Sloths over the line inside 14 overs.
Over very agreeable pints, Bonder beamed and repeatedly mentioned how glad he was to win at Winsley, it was almost as if he was really glad to win at Winsley.