Vs Bear Flat Dads @ Odd Down, 16th July 2024

Oh là là!

Sloths stumbled on to Odd Down playing fields with a strong sense of Déjà-vu as not onze Sloths arrived but douze! Fingers were pointed squarely at the two most intellectual and Parisian-chic Sloths for causing such a mishap. The ordre judiciaire d’Sloth sentenced Monsieur Fresh to the guillotine / to bat at number 11 for Bear Flat Dad’s and that monsieur Porridge was to open the batting on a pitch that was as soft as a summer’s eve on la Côte d’Azur.

Brent and Porridge traded singles while adjusting to the sticky conditions. Brent started to get a read of the pitch and beautifully timed a straight drive, unfortunately, straight at the bowler. “Wait on!” was his cry as the bowler successfully grabbed the ball, at village level we must always first assume it will be dropped. Nash came in determined to assert himself and duly swung wildly at his first over, perfectly missing the ball early as it pitched and then moved past him in slow motion. Once his eye was in though, he peppered the in-fielders with drives that they sensibly dodged in self-preservation but resulted in plenty of boundaries. Riccay entered and sensed the leg-side boundary being just a tickle away so he fully committed to hoick it onto the Wellsway and was cleaned bowled. JG The Doc dug in for some hard earned runs as the pitch remained a tricky surface. A fit-fresh-faced Cam strode in and immediately discovered this trickiness taking a ball straight to the couilles. He stumbled to square leg to find some solace, think happy thoughts and take some deep breaths while the actual GP down the other end paid him no attention. He later prescribed Cam a box to prevent such problems in future. BFD had new bowlers and returning bowlers show some promise but also dish out a fair amount of extras as the total mounted up. Le Sloth adolescents Archie and Laurie built a sturdy looking partnership full of well-run singles before BFD accidentally activated their secret weapon, their pièce de résistance if you will, Monsieur Fresh came into bowl against Fresh Jr. Charging down the pitch to clatter his father into Englishcombe, Lawrie spectacularly missed and was narrowly stumped to his great dismay that only a family duel can muster. HRP then swung the baguette to clobber a quick-fire 20 and The Gas Man came in determined to run hard in the final over. Off the final ball of the innings, Archie was stumped off a wide, cleverly bringing in SDS for a slap and dash to set BFD 140 to win.

The BFD openers came out determined to chase with a now sun-filled evening and the pitch drying out. But they had to be watchful to an accurate Lawrie who then entered a full Stuart Broad-esque rage as his slower ball was deemed to be a wide. Huffing and puffing back to his mark, he turned around suddenly two feet taller and unleashed an absolute jaffa that drew the edge through to Porridge. Buoyed by this, HRP took two wickets off his own accurate bowling and BFD were up the Seine without a paddle. Archie further restricted the run rate with late swinging deliveries and then Riccay at the other end shocked himself. We’ve all become accustomed to his trademark run up through the umpire and then slinging around the wicket, however, we all stood agape as he came over the wicket like a normal person, spun the ball and instantly took a wicket. A caught and bowled later in the over and Sloths were all over them like hollandaise over eggs. Porridge, enjoying this new-found spin bowling, came up to the stumps for the second over only to see Riccay return to type and suddenly start winging it as fast as he could. One in-ducker managed to miss both bat and keeper as it whispered sweet French nothings to the bails on its way past. Aggrieved, the batter decided to clobber the next delivery and middled it straight towards the non-striker’s throat who somehow managed to block it with his glove with a Neo-like dodge. The Doc showed much more interest in this man’s wrist than he did with Cam’s couilles. With everyone ok to continue, SDS and Cam toyed with the batters with their offies and moon balls (this isn’t a reference to Cam’s couilles, I wouldn’t lower myself to that). Cam took a superb caught & bowled to complement a fine fielding performance in the deep. BFD needed to up the run rate but foolishly took on Nash at mid-off for a single and had their stumps shattered by a brilliant pick up and throw. With one batter set and hell-bent on victory it was time for Monsieur Fresh to enter at 11. But once again it was spin that worked wonders as The Doc JG got one to rag off the surface, bowling Fresh round his legs as he tried to sweep the béchamel out of the ball.

A dominant win was celebrated at Odd Down’s famous French drinkery, Le Lion Rouge, with absinthes all round.