Vs Bathford @ KES, 21st May 2024

Are you someone who thinks that 11 Sloths just isn’t enough for a game of cricket? Well, you would have been in luck this week as 15 appeared! Yes, 15. You also probably need therapy.

Bathford were the fortunate bunch to get 4 of our favourite Sloths added to their lineup on a drizzly Bathampton evening. As the extended-gaggle of Sloths stood chatting and gazing across the drizzly landscape, it was almost as if nobody thought a game of cricket was supposed to happen. Then the Bathford players emerged from the changing rooms looking like an actual team and Sloths were jolted into action.

BathfordSloth were to bat first amid the gloom, with last-minute young gun Archie opening the bowling down the hill, swinging the pink ball dangerously. Lodgey continued his miserly streak up the hill but without his trademark early Mankad warning. After bowling absolute wheels last week, Dan D’s first ball was a horrid half tracker that was skied and gobbled up by Fresh at mid-off. Bad balls get wickets, they say. The rest of his bowling was much better and, subsequently, went for lots of runs. Bathford batters set into a nice rhythm, rotating the strike nicely but never quite exploding. Fresh made the breakthrough with a beaut of an in-ducker, that he immediately said was intentional, and by the look of surprise on his face, we believed him. Jimmer worked his magic with his first ball, on that famous line and length to gently disturb the stumps. Cue the entry of some familiar faces, the newly-converted BathfordSloths TooGoodNash and RacingRiccayyy strode in through the drizzle. Keen to take the Sloth bowling downtown, they lined up with aggression in their eyes and duly delivered. Although, Riccay fell into the timeless SDS trap, trying to smack the lacquer off a dipping delivery and was caught behind. Meanwhile, Nash knocked The Gas Man off his length and so forced him to turn his aggression onto an ungrateful Colonel Mustard. The rain was really coming down now as multiple Sloths slipped around the boundary edge. BenOfTheYard was learning to time his slides perfectly after horizontally shooting past a few fence-bound fours. Another BathfordSloth, Lazarus, arrived at the crease to jeers of “everyone in the V!” and “he’s only got a cover drive!”. He obliged, of course, to cover drive his first ball and then shocked all and sundry with a well-struck pull for six, that well-struck a branch out of a tree and then continued on to well-strike the windscreen of a taxi. A concerned silence flooded the field as players went to inspect the damage and so did a very casual taxi driver. Seemingly undeterred by this new threat to his livelihood, the driver nodded at the dent and walked back to the pavilion. The owner of the car next to his had other thoughts though and, sensibly, moved his car, but then parked at cow corner. Lazarus licked his destructive lips. Nick HRP decided off his first ball to try and hit this new target, but by using his bat. Porridge shamefully whipped off the bails, as the bat-less Nick just stared at his empty, slippery hands with the bat finally landing somewhere near mid-on. 146 runs scored and has anybody noticed that it’s raining quite a lot now?

To chase down this imposing total, Porridge and Lodge were sent out to open (average strike-rate stats thankfully ignored) and found conditions tough. The ball skidded off the wicket but still with enough bounce to cause problems. Porridge, evoking the spirit of Duckett, swung for every ball outside off and, skillfully, used his edge to regularly score through third man. Lazarus was gee’d up facing a familiar foe and was back to his bowling best, just don’t tell him his figures won’t be added to the book as they were for Bathford. Don’t tell him. Lodgey went aerial to up the scoring rate and was caught, bringing in GoodWill, who definitely did up the rate with some trademark strikes. HRP bowled with added zest, beating Jimmer for pace and downing him with a strike to the box. I think Jimmer spends most of his games on the floor regardless. He recovered well and alongside Fresh they both reached 25, surviving some accurate bowling and running well. With the rain still raining, it really did just keep raining, and brows becoming more furrowed, it was down to Dan D and YardBen to get Sloths over the line and beat the weather. Some agile running was getting them closer to the target, but then in the 17th over wise heads intervened and the game was abandoned. Dan D was locked in to the chase and refused to leave the crease as all other players ran for cover in the direction of the pavilion, at least they thought it was that way in the gloom, and hands were shaken.

But had Sloths done enough to preserve their mid-week, unbeaten streak? Chasing 147 to win, after 17 overs they were 123-3 and therefore the Duckworth-Lewis calculation has them winning by 12 runs. Not that that matters of course.