Record-Breaking Sloths Thwart Dads Renaissance

Famously, there has only ever been one recorded ‘Dads’ victory against Bathampton Sloths. However, the team fielded by ‘turncoat’ Tom Hardy yesterday at KES was generally recognised to be among the strongest to date. Fortunately for the hosts, it just happened that the scraped-together 11 of Sloth walking wounded featured a formidable line-up of quality batting. And many of those are no slouch with the ball either.

In a gesture of goodwill to the less practiced Dads – and having ascertained his injured and swollen hand would barely squeeze into a wicket-keeper’s glove – Stumpchat posted himself on the boundary. However, rather than rendering him inaudible this only served to make him even less comprehendible. Thus, the familiar running commentary took on a somewhat surreal, dream-like quality and it was left to Bonder to invoke the ‘magic ball’.

First, though, it was Sloth’s duty to set a target for Dads to essay. It would be uncharitable to suggest Rich Houston willed the early dismissal of senior-partner Lodge. However, there was no mistaking his glee at then having a partner – in Laurie Maylor – with whom he could run every nick, steer and fumble. And run they did, even managing four to the longest boundary before the ball was returned.

Which is not to say the Dads’ fielding was sloppy: far from it. Although not all Dads managed to bowl, those that did were largely accurate and testing. Several times, Rich and Laurie had to check their shots as the ball came through more slowly than anticipated from the recently-dampened turf. But both were seeing the ball well and largely finding the middle of the bat to good effect.

And so, a good, ‘proper’ contest ensued: Hewston, Maylor and Fresh all retiring and runs piling on as Danny O eschewed unnecessary effort in favour of clattering every third ball to the boundary. Memory fails me as to the details but Bonder must have featured in the runs as well and ‘Wides’ had a good showing too in bringing the final Sloth total to a whopping (possibly record-breaking) 174 from 20 overs.

You should really never say ‘never’ but for a scratch Dads side to make anything like this total would have been nigh-on miraculous. However, with a one-legged Bond junior hobbling around at slip, a one-handed Stumpchat twittering on the boundary and many of the team firmly into middle age, they fancied giving it a good go. Sloth fielders were thus treated to some elegant stroke play from regular league player Darren Barnes and also a gutsy performance from apparently-irregular-cricketer Tom. Both have intimated they may soon join the Slothful ranks, for which a degree of rejoicing must be in order.

There were a couple of questionable decisions where run-outs and stumpings were concerned. However, keeper Bond was uncharacteristically forthright in his defence of said decisions. Indeed, he went as far as to suggest those fielding in the deep didn’t know what the %^&)”@~ *!£? they were talking about. What else? Maylor bowled quickly. Hewston slowly. Franks somewhere in between. Bond junior off one leg. And Fresh marked out a run-up of such length he only had the energy to walk most of the way in. The usual stuff. ( I haven’t seen the score book and was drinking cider at the time.)

Dads managed a commendable 120-something and the whole thing was jolly splendid, really. A great score from Sloths against actually very good bowling and sharp fielding. And a solid defence of that total. Skipper Franks showed excellent sense of priority by leaving the field to man the bar during Dads’ innings. And a large crowd of mums, offspring and sundry friends/relatives largely ignored the whole thing. Pretty much everything you could ask for from this historic fixture. Except, of course, a Dads’ win… now did I mention that happened one time?

Michael Gove, Education Correspondent, Slothful Times