Vs The Offsiders, 22nd April 2025
“It’s all presentation over substance, that’s what’s wrong with the world nowadays” was one Sloth’s honest review of the new seating arrangement at KES pavilion, where a well-placed bench has been removed to be replaced with horrible, life-affirming flowers and planters. Luckily, Bathampton Sloths care little for their presentation and instead focus solely on substance (some much more than others).
Presently, Sloths gathered for the first game of the 2025 season and, quite potentially, about to engage in their first substantial piece of exercise in 6 months. Creaking bodies appeared from cars and all eyes gazed wistfully at the serenity of KES playing fields, oh such potential a new season promises! HRP even did some lunges.
Sloths batted first under strict instructions to ‘get on with it, we’re only playing 16 overs each because it’ll get dark quickly’. So who better to open at this break-neck speed than pre-Baz-Ball advocate and all-round Dom Sibley fan Porridge and Jimmer likes-to-take-a-look-so-stick-me-at-4-please-Skip. The Gas Man predicted a sticky pitch ‘whatwith that rain that fell earlier’ and wouldn’t you know it, he was right! At least that’s this writer’s excuse for a slow scoring 8 over batting stint. Jimmer found his timing to sweetly clear the in-field multiple times before getting under one and finding a fielder who could catch. Not like the dolly that was dropped in the covers an over previously. In came Laurie Veal who also fell to the sticky pitch, sending a leading edge high into the sky when clipping to leg and being caught. All eyes were on The Colonel as he strode to the wicket with, basically, Babar Azam’s bat and boy did it sound good as he sent one straight down mid-wicket’s throat. He glumly returned saying “oh boy I hate cricket”, but don’t worry readers, by the end of the game his boyish enthusiasm was back declaring “all that I was thinking when fielding was, I could do this for days”. Meanwhile, Dan DD Darwin Deez and The Gas Man upped the ante with scuttling running in the muggy conditions as fielders struggled with their barrage. After a dozen attempts, the big heave connected and The Gas Man gloriously struck the first six of the season into the canal fence and duly retired with a score of 30. Brent Boult struck a few to complete the innings and, off of their 16 overs, Sloth’s set The Offsiders 104 to win.
It’s hard to be objective about the following scenario because it was almost one of the best things I have ever been a part of and would have definitely resulted in me leaping topless into the canal. Ish kicked off Sloth’s bowling season with a ripper that caught the edge and was nearly snaffled one-handed by a diving Porridge. Ish continued with pace and accuracy to repeatedly beat the edge amid “ahh’s” and “ooo’s” from the Sloth fielders. A fair few worried “eek’s” from DD at point also, who’s analysis was “it’s lucky he’s in control of his length, because there’s a distinct possibility this batter could come a cropper”. The pitch providing plenty of carry and bounce, Ish changed tactic and honed in on the stumps to remove the opening batter. Fresh bowled tidily, being taught how to keep the seam upright by Veal just as he began his first run up. The familiar high release point of HRP was back for 2025, giving up the first four of the innings but also clean bowling a batter with a swinging beauty. How better to balance the quality of Ish’s opening spell with some village-leg spin? Jimmy Jimmy’s mystery dippers brought plenty of stumping attempts and a peak-village run out opportunity missed at both ends by despairing, chuckling Sloths. The two set batters steadily accumulated singles to very well placed Sloth fielders as the light began to dramatically fade. Enter the Sloth Spin Attack! Veal brought out his bag of tricks and bamboozled a batter with the in-swinging-arm-ball-left-handed-from-around-the-wicket classic, tasty. Brent Boult continued his streak of always bagging a wicket first game of the season as a batter skied one to the newly-bearded DD at point, who caught with authoritative aplomb. In near darkness, it was a James’ double act as Painter and The Colonel twirled away, allowing few opportunities to score and Jimmer, obviously, going to ground attempting a sharp caught & bowled chance.
Restricted to 78, Sloths took the victory but a fixture with The Offsiders in the height of summer would have been a trickier task.
Over giddy pints in The George, the joys of spring cricket were shared amidst the informal formation of The Bathampton Sloths Sports-Related-Good-Ghost-Writers-Only Book Club. DD shared his thumb-width book buying parameter and the club revealed its first recommendations:
- Open by Andre Aggasi (shorter than a book about 600 Years of The Saxons)
- Penguins Stopped Play by Harry Thompson
- One Long & Beautiful Summer by Duncan Hamilton
And yes, like all book clubs, it’ll be just another excuse to drink and go to the pub.