They couldn’t, could they? After two huge victories, the sloths turned up on a balmy April evening ready to face the inevitable fall from grace to their old adversaries Bear Flat.

Thoughts of a 3rd successive victory seemed a distant dream after the team had battled through roadworks, sweat and a late start due to a close game at the school. Especially as half the sloths there were self titled ‘observer sloths’ only there to enjoy a cider and watch the collapse.

After a couple of cheeky 2s and a 4, the pair of Jimmers opening up obliged the spectators, falling to the good balls off the tricky opening bowler. Hardy came out and fully took on board the Colonel’s clear advice that ‘it’s shooting off the wicket, super fast mate’ and got out almost straight away to a sluggish delivery which stuck in the ground and trickled into the stumps at a snails pace.

The mood was dark, the Sloths faced one of their lowest points, 3 down, struggling for runs against an excellent attack, they needed a hero. And from that pit of despair came a batsman the talent of which had not been seen for a generation. Striding out to balls and hammering them with the speed of Thor’s hammer to the boundary, no bowler was safe. Like Theodin leading the Rohhirim on Pelenor Fields, clad in brand new shining white pads, he mustered the Slothirim and the fielding team’s spirit was broken. That man was James (the Colonel) Mcwilliam. And not only did he write this match report with not an ounce of bias, he saved the sloths from almost complete annihilation.

What actually happened, was that Dan (the Head) came out to bat and continued his fine form, smashing 4s and 6s down the ground, while the Colonel got lucky, was dropped twice and managed to connect with a few of his only shot, the ‘eyes shut slog to cow corner’.

The innings was drawn to a conclusion with some fine hitting from Brent Hoe and Tom Edwards, connecting beautifully to the long boundary and seeing the ball like a beach ball. Bashir added some useful runs with the tail and amid SDS’s outrageous profanities and complete distain for being asked to go out with a bat and play cricket (especially during a game of cricket no less) the Sloths got to a total of 127 off 16 overs. The hattrick was on!

The Bear Pit openers had their game face on, with a strong opening and probing attack from Lazarus and Sloth newbie Basir, they faced off the good balls and punished the slightly-less-than-good balls.

Dan (the Head) managed a break through after some solid fielding built some pressure, which led to a heave to Jimmer at slip. The catch was potentially the most slothlike fielding of the evening, a long, leisurely stretch to fetch the ball above head height and ending up arse over tit. It resulted in the breakthrough, a look of complete shock on his face, Jimmer was in the game.

At the 8 over change of ends, the game was still all to play for. The stage was set for a key few overs. Bear Flat needed runs, who did Tom turn to? The oversees signing, Brent Hoe stepped up to the mark. What followed will go down as two of the most pristine Sloth overs in history, not one run was found off the bat during Brent’s 12 balls, a feat which deserves it’s own chapter in the sloth history books. This was only improved by a blinder of a catch to Jimmer, completing a double catch evening.

This nearly became 3 after a tough chance in the sky off the Colonel, however after Tom’s reciprocal cricketing advice to ‘pitch it up’, James managed to pitch a few balls up to send a couple of the batters home.

With 45 needed of the last few, the skipper turned to Tom and SDS to finish off the innings. Two very tidy overs in the fading light from Tom all but secured the win, and with them needing 30 off the last, SDS stepped up to the plate and found his perfect line and length, balls falling out of the sky exactly where the batters didn’t want them, with endless missed heaves and cuts as SDS flummoxed the opposition.

The day was won, almost a 30 run victory completing the Sloth Hatrick. There was an air of gentle disbelief around the ground….